Ode to LSE

LSE, oh LSE,

I walked onto your territory:

The deathly stares

And hateful glares

Caught me rather unawares.

Don’t get me wrong now, LSE,

I’m for collegiate amity:

It’s UCL

Who come from hell
(And Royal Holloway as well).

C’mon, let’s face it, LSE,

We’re not so different, you and me:

We’ve brains aplenty,

(Some landed gentry),

But you didn’t make the World Top 20…

Now, I’ll be honest, LSE,

Despite my wish for bonhomie,

I can’t abide

Your poisonous pride,

Alas, our postcodes coincide.

So, while we’re neighbours, LSE,

Cut down on the hostility:

Don’t make us wait,

We’ll get irate,

And on your porch we’ll defecate.

By L.R. Chapman
from Modern Melancholy, 2013